evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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