her vagine was all disorganized.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
