Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
