I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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