honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
