The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
