shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
