hell yes lets make some ravioli
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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