and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
