what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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