Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
