I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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