did you get engaged???
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
