Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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