Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
