I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
