the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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