i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
