May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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