her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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