I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
