john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
