i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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