i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
