There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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