i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
