I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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