OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
