I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
