Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other

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(361): View more from Texas

Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Goddamn tequila

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(310): View more from California

Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?

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(404): View more from Georgia

Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??

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(229): View more from Georgia

I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.

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