i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
