Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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