we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
