I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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