she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do herpes really smell.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
