Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
