Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
