My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
