My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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