if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont even know how to be here
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
