You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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