Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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