I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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