Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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