It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
