I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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