I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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