just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
