So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
