I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
