I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
