Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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