I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
