My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
