the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
