Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
