"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
